One foot lunges after the other on the impartial treadmill, like my journey back to True Self. The irony is that a treadmill takes you nowhere yet you feel like you have been somewhere. Like when you wake up for the first time and realize that the real you was always there. While giving the Boulder Rec Center a run for its money i discovered that i’ve been replaced, permanently, from the driver’s side of my efforts; as i call out to the universe – here take control of the wheel, please.
It doesn’t matter how i control the speed whether it’s at 1.5 or 3.5 as the treadmill spins faster my legs just keep up as if by some magical power i don’t feel in control, as my body adjusts and my mind and awareness care less since we are really going nowhere. As the swishing of my legs vanish into nothingness i realize that i am not in charge; meaning i no longer need to monitor, worry or control one iota of the driving of ed fox’s life to some expected conclusion. Someone else is driving that car.
The last few days has seen an increase is my awareness to new levels that would put “old faithful” to shame. I’m so grateful that i have the house to myself and so i indulge in the silence.
On the drive home i think about the phone interview that i have at 2:30pm and feel confident that i’m prepared when i feel hunger and wonder what’s to eat. Immediately i see a tortilla of steak, broccoli and cheese and realize that i’ve never thought of creating such a lunch for myself (that was Rita’s expertise) and yet i knew without words that the idea came from somewhere else.
The first bite is always the best. i chew and grunt with pleasure as i see a flock of crows swoop by the kitchen window and in the second it took them to pass i received a download that went deeper than my exalted tastebuds. My advisor (guide) showed up after a long absence to fill in the pieces.
“Yes, all is being taken care of,” as if to say, your in the flow and all you need is a paddle to steer. Stop trying to push the canoe.
“The bliss is here for a reason, to keep your mind occupied as your True Self wakes up and takes over before you get frightened or overly proud.”
From deep inside me an intense emotion began to erupt, taking complete control of my body, barely giving me time to swallow my food before being swept away in a avalanche of the most extreme joy and emotion.
Tears fell from my eyes onto my tortilla, having realized that a wonderful healing ensued. A emotion that was frozen lifetimes ago has began to melt releasing in me an ancient river like the Ganges hurling itself down from the Himalayas mountain tops.
Sobbing with my face in my hands i cried and screamed and cried again with joy and gratitude for the gift that has just been bestow upon me.
Both my tears and “I” witnessed it all in its grandeur (and smiled) and then i spontaneously lost it again as i cried out “help me share this, help me show others this truth.”
No answer came forth, but i don’t care, it is all perfectly, out of my control.
In Gratitude to the perfection of all that is…
P.S. The interview went very well and i’m on his top 3 list out of 140.
Honey my paddle is working!
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