Since the inception of this blog my insistence on being totally transparent has occasionally made me uncomfortable because in all those experiences where i have had great clarity i realized, early on, that i am writing for you, rather than myself; as i have been instructed to share for reasons beyond my knowing. So this post definitely falls into that category because i am sharing a very personal communication. What i thought was going to be a “time alone” road trip to Phoenix turned out to be my divine “marching orders” into a totally new teaching ciriculumn that i could never have imagined.
When Rita and i decided to move our Xterra to Phoenix i was overjoyed to get out of town and get on the road. The road has always been my friend. It’s calming and chills me out. For me there is something mystical about driving the endless straight freeway that puts me in a different space that enables an inexplicable part of my my being to express itself. i’m totally in control as part of my attention is always on the road. I had a lot to ponder because the deep peace that has been filling me up lately, has also left me listless and my plans for creating programs on my website have been unsucessful.
It’s about a 6 hour drive and the while the first 5 1/2 hours were relaxing nothing came forward, no insights as to how to formulate my awakening into a teaching program. So i dropped the whole idea and put on some music. Why not some Leonard Cohen?
Somewhere… half way into “Boogey Street” the words started to take on a deeper meaning, i was automatically interpreting the lyrics from an awakened view. Every lyric was seen as a parable of the awakened mind healing the ego and the meaning of the “Darken One” kissing my lips was my true self kissing my ego-mind and then it’s done the tender love while both disappear into the nothingness heighten by the “Crown of Light.” “I’m what I AM… is what I AM on Boogey Street.”
All of a sudden I’m visualizing my back arching up and out, over the car, my chest was bulging, my hands spread wide into the desert sky. A thrill of exhilaration pulsed through my body as the vision melted within a few minutes. First came an uncomfortable movement coursing through my chest accompanied by intense emotions of fear then love. my heart started to unravel as a divine love gushed into my being. It felt like my heart was breaking, i cried out in ecstasy “oh my god”. Then in a flash the message downloaded into my mind leaving fragments of images, instructions, and acknowledgments. Without time to speak or think the tears began to flow, and my breath became irregular. i barely had time to pull off the 202 North Freeway just before the hyper-ventilation over came me.
Tears of gratitude, sobs mixed with aha’s, as the message began its slow unzipping in my brain. i felt pregnant, yet the same, and after the thunder and lightening abated i would occasionaly hiccup a burst of energy and then another unzipping would reveal itself. It went on like that all day. On the second day the curriculum came. Divine Love! It didn’t come in generalities but specifics and was accompanied with the channels of energy that would be necessary for transmission.
After the last unzipping in the Phoenix airport i knew that i had a blessed gift and an awesome task laid before my feet. my subsequence responses to this divine blessedness points to singular conclusion that my life is moving into a direction of service and surrender.
It appears to be my gift… but truly it also belongs to you!
Grazie Maestro e Suo Figlio.
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