For the last few months i have had this sense that some substantial shift within me has occurred. Sniffing the scent in the air like an approaching season, i sense deep within my being that a milestone where the rubber meets the road has already occurred and it is chasing after me like a parent trying to catch a screaming child that refuses to go to bed.
Where is my security blanket? Where is my known identity that soothes me as i live from moment to moment not knowing who or where i’ve been. All the tricks that i used to use to retain my identify with bliss, and my awakened sense-of-self fail me now as i feel like i have been tossed out of the rushing cosmic waters left to dry on a sunny and hot sandy beach called “your turn – fox.”
Has anybody got some bliss to share? The honeymoon seems to be over as i search my bag of tricks i.e. music, meditation and prayer for a drop of the sweet nectar to shade my eyes and shield my skin from the light of reality which taps me on the head beckoning me to get up, dust myself off, and face my newly exposed vulnerabilities. Weaknesses that i thought were healed long ago until my awakening cleared away the top level of my avoidance mechanism.
It takes me a moment to realize the wisdom of this milestone, that after months of surrendering to a force that swept me off my feet, i am now being asked to pick up the torch and finish the job. Just when i thought that my role was just to give it all to God, He changes the outlook and says “no” you lead and I will support you. Look at what you have been hiding behind, all your beliefs and fears, and then and only then will your true nature continue to wake up. i tried to tell him, that “i’ve been there,” “done that,” but he shakes his head and says “not really.”
It’s a new ball game with new rules and different tools yet i know without a doubt that i can’t turn back now, i’v gone beyond the point of no return.
Thank God for that!
Blessing to you all!
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