“Oh there you are”

The warm air kissed my face as i left the coffee shop feeling as if i was light as a feather after my meeting with Brad, my new friend and writing coach. He had just cracked open my brain with the most brilliant ideas, suggestions, and direction for writing my awakening memoir. i felt the hot seat warm my bottom as I started the car – the radio blasting Stevie Nicks into my ears – i was hoping to get home before the traffic kicked in but I didn’t get very far.

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when two or more of you gather in my name…

We sat at a quiet table next to the window there were hardly anyone in the small Japanese restaurant and i was glad because it had been almost a year since i last saw Steve and there was so much to say and convey. As always when we get together the energy starts vibrating but this time something was quite different. Within minutes i felt this wonderful feeling of bliss and being home i was an integral piece of a magnificent presence that was everywhere and everything. It struck me in an unforgettable and unimaginable way as i thought of one of my favorite passages from the bible – when two or more of you gather in my name…

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trust in a divine plan

“What’s wrong?” my wife Rita asks as i realized that i couldn’t quite hide my angst and frustration from her for very long.  i’ve been quiet, all day, moving about the house from my office to the kitchen and back to my desk or meditation chair, as if changing the scenery would answer the critical doubt following me around like a hound dog on the scent.  “How do i handle and work with the spiritual longing that still floats up from the ocean of my heart’s desire to experience that unbounded “no self” 24/7.”  The longing had moved me into sadness and i was besides myself .

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remembering union

Sitting in my favorite meditation chair in my office, i glance across at my altar where Buddha sits so grandly covered in beads and adornments; there he is, the quinessential icon of awakening, prompting me to close the eyes and be quiet.  In the pit of my stomach i feel his being, and his life-long journey to Buddha-hood and as i lower my eyelids and dive within myself i sense a lonely longing for the exquisite experience of union with the divine follow me to the depths of my being.  Continue Reading →

Nights are my new days

Each night while i sleep there seems to be a part of my soul that wakes up, shaves and showers, gets dressed and ready for work; the night shift…a process of remembering and healing.  Last night my first interview was with the fear of not being good enough. There i was facing it’s illusions and my interpretation of them.  my lunar cycle had shifted and now my nights are my new days and my days have become as peaceful as sleep.   Continue Reading →

my divine marching orders

Since the inception of this blog my insistence on being totally transparent has occasionally made me uncomfortable because in all those experiences where i have had great clarity i realized, early on, that i am writing for you, rather than myself; as i have been instructed to share for reasons beyond my knowing.   So this post definitely falls into that category because i am sharing a very personal communication.  What i thought was going to be a “time alone” road trip to Phoenix turned out to be my divine “marching orders” into a totally new teaching ciriculumn that i could never have imagined.   Continue Reading →

let thy will be done the ultimate surrender

The most beautiful words with their magnificent meanings and melodies are yet still words and concepts and thereby fall short of the reality of how we get to know ourselves.  The past descriptions of my many evenings in the tub are standing up to testify tonight as i find myself struggling with the worst of all my hive attacks; stripped of all my bliss and physical comfort.  i still have my inner peace but that doesn’t shield me from the pain (spoiler alert?)  As i write this post somewhere around the corner of 5:30am, still falling into the depths of the unknown, the only words i can find are “let thy will be done the ultimate surrender.”   Continue Reading →

out of my cocoon

Over a year ago, after i completed my last class i decided to take a break from speaking and sharing as i felt that my newborn awakening, at the time, prevented me by default from leading others.  my enthusiam for sharing was crushed by the weight of what i didn’t know; i tried for as long as my excitement could hold me but as the depth of my new reality was fathomed i needed to back away and reassess.  my blog was my rudder as i meandered through my early experiences in awakening until just recently when feeling completely re-assembled, like a butterfly, I was ready to come out of my cocoon… back on purpose.  Continue Reading →

holding my true self

Sitting here blissfully enjoying the early morning sun which seems so natural and yet just 9 hours ago i was in extreme discomfort.  I was nudged awake in the middle of the night with back pain, hives and a swollen face.  This perfect storm of circumstances had brought forth an old way of holding myself that i thought was gone.  An old identity that helped me, a long time ago through a difficult time in my life when i was in a great deal of back pain, was back.   Continue Reading →

breaking-through into bliss

My first awakening experience was filled with grace, most unexpectedly, and completely out of my control.  Since then the tables have been shifted and i seemed to be doing all the heavy lifting. Such has been the case over the last few days, being laid low with bizarre physical symtoms that had me on the ropes for many days.  Just a few hours ago it finally released me, as if to say, “lesson learned”, as i felt a breaking-through into bliss.  Continue Reading →