facing my dark side

The other night i had a restless night, while my mind was pondering the most bizarre and negative thoughts.  While i would like to think, by now, that i’m ready for anything this was quite startling.  Out of nowhere while in a deep level of sleep i’m awakened by my mind automatically dumping the most negative and brutal thoughts onto my consciousness.  i was facing my dark side like never before.  

At first i was surprised and fell into the flow of negativity but i caught myself in a few minutes and was soon nuetrally observing the thoughts.
When i went over the events it became evident that i was “witnessing sleep” which enabled me to catch myself.

i’m quite used to having wild imaginings during the day as my senses along with my mind conjure up belief-driven images but to wake up to a totally unconscious “dark dump” of this sort is startling to say the least.  It happened once before about a month ago, but not to this extent.  i had written it off as a one-time event but now i see that this is part of some major clearing in my mind and body.

I keep reminding myself that i am not my mind, or my thoughts.  Practicing the I AM inquiry is so helpful but like a great teacher once said removing the grooves of the mind and body can be a slow process “like water rolling over stone.”

It seems to me that once Cosmic Intelligence takes over it’s a 24/7 deal. While a part of me likes that, another part of me needs to take a deep breath and remind myself that “if this is what it takes, so be it.”

Maybe this is the result of the last month filled with traveling, teaching, purchasing a new car, and now off to Phoenix to retrieve my mother-in-law from the heat.  Perhaps with my days so full Cosmic Intelligence has decided to work the night shift – Ha Ha.

Joking aside, with all the surprises, changing paradigms, kriyas, and kundalini, i can rest assured that although it can be trying, it’s never boring.


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