day to night in seconds

While i know that my mind always wants what it deems pleasurable avoiding all else, i am still surprised that at times i cannot avoid going along with this conspiracy.  So far i’v fallen out of bliss twice and when it happens it’s like moving from day to night in seconds.  All of a sudden a wave of grumpiness engulfs me. 

Yesterday was that kind of day, it started out like most of my days since Feb 15th but ended in a major pendulum shift away from bliss.  It was as i like to call it an “Ori” day.  An afternoon with my grandson filled with make-believe, frolicking, tickling and wrestling on the floor, ending with a swimming lesson.

Maybe it was the sudden contrast from a smooth day of childlike joy to a horrific traffic jam but somewhere on the ride home my equilibrium was shattered; a sudden inexplicable shift to grumpiness and irritation.  i watched it, and felt it, as it overcame me with no warning.  After a while it subsided only to re-surface when I got home.

Rita noticed it immeditely but mostly kept silent as i worked inside watching, feeling, and allowing.  I wasn’t much fun but there was nothing i could do.

I found myself managing a headache all evening, while i went within to my “surrender place” mode very much like circling the wagons until sometime after 7am when the energy returned like the calvary; setting me free from whatever that was.

As my meditation teacher would say “waking up is like dying a cloth.”
First you dip it into the colored dye, but the dye is not indelible until it’s been tested by fading it in the sun.  In fact it takes a series of dipping and fading before the color is stable.

So I guess, all in all, it was a day to night “fading” day for me.


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