light at the end of the tunnel

This morning felt like the first capstone on my ongoing journey into awakening.  I needed to drive to parts unknown in Burbank to pick up a laptop.  I had never rented a computer before and found myself in a new situation having to negotiate the transaction to make sure that I got the right pc and a good price.  I usually turn into a Type A personality in those kinds of situations but this time it all went so smoothly. 

Back in the car, I realized just how effortless is went down.  It was missing a certain over the top strain and energetic push to get it done right.  I realized that what was missing in the past was a certain level of “inner confidence.” My life is getting easier and easier.

About ten years ago I noticed that I had lost my internal GPS.  I’m no longer embarrassed to admit that I was getting lost a lot (in the car) and couldn’t explain why.  Thank God the iPhone came along when it did with a GPS and then Siri saved my ass countless times.  So while I’m giving Siri directions to get home the map appeared in my brain, as clear as day. OMG I was so awestruck, it reminded me of the first Matrix movie when Neo wakes up and is being trained.  He opens his eyes up in the chair after a major download and screams, “I know Kung Fu!”

But it didn’t stop there, almost home; on the 405 freeway I felt the presence of my father (who had past away a few years ago.)  A picture appeared in my mind of my dad holding me in his arms, I couldn’t have been more than 4 or 5, we were at the beach and I could feel his strong muscular arms around me, holding me tight.  I remembered feeling so safe and loved, I broke down and cried for some time and it felt so good.  There is a place in my memory banks where I had forgotten the password from an early age on and now I’m astonished to realize that this is my earliest childhood memory todate.

Once I got home and rested I heard my inner voice speak.  It came to me in a flash and I was humbled by the gratitude the issued forth from the deepest levels of my pleading heart as I see the wisdom behind my “chickpea” experiences.

The undoing of Ed Fox does have a purpose!  Today I experienced a glimpse of a new Ed and I understood immediately and undeniably that my need to know is being “cooked” into richness and that I have nothing to do but just join with it and continue to surrender.

It’s out of my hands.


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