i’m back from florida without a scratch, in fact, i’m better than ever. It was a very productive trip and time well spent. It’s the longest time i’ve been down there since i can remember and it was never a drain of energy. While it was sad to see her age and lose so much of her vitality i was able to be with it, sad as it is, and still be established in my true self. In fact it was a blessing for me to be able to finally see my childhood fears and beliefs through my new point of view. It wasn’t until i got home that i noticed a major shift in perception that i feel was the result of the work i did with my mother and sister in Boca Raton.
While i was there i had many troubled dreams. One night i couldn’t sleep and felt this deep sense of being vulnerable and not safe. The feeling immediately took me back to the age of 8 sleeping in my bed afraid that my mother would get into another fit of anger and come storming into the bedroom with lighting bolts flying out of her eyes and mouth.
i was able to see it and feel it in a way that i didn’t recognized. While the fear and terror was there accompanied by the physical tension i witnessed the part of me that was attached to fear, detach itself, letting all the emotional baggage fall to the floor. That’s where it remained, on the floor, discarded like a cigarette butt on the street, in plain sight, but with little importance.
i awoke in the morning feeling the same, as every morning, and it puzzled me because i thought i would feel lighter being freed from one of the oldest beliefs i’ve know. Instead i felt absolutely normal.
What i didn’t realized till i got home was that “normal” was not a static barometer. my normal was changing very rapidly except that with every shift the new “normal” replaced and recorded-over the old “normal.” The result being that i don’t feel any different until i’m interacting with the world and then i notice that my perception and reaction to some external circumstance has drastically changed.
To be continued in the next post.
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