reflections on my process

For some time i have been thinking about writing a post about what i have observed from the reflections on my process that began back in February.  It seems like a very subjective topic since many of my earlier experiences have fallen out of my memory banks and i have had to go back to refresh my recollection.  So this post is more like a reflection on where i am, where i think i’m going and what i have learned from my awakening process so far.  

The Energy & Bliss

In the beginning of my process i believed that the bliss and energy in my head was the sign that my awakening was taking place as if it measured the level of my success.  i realize now that this is not true.  It was just a left-over misbelief that awakening leads to a permanent “cosmic experience.”

I discovered that this reasoning stems from a desire to be free of all physical and earthly discomfort; an unconscious human desire for awakening to replace earthly discomforts with bliss.

What i have realized is that when i have an “energy” experience i am being encouraged by my true self to continue.  It’s an invitation to stay on course with my spiritual practice.  It’s very much like hearing a mentor say “Well Done – Keeping going… there’s more,” despite the fact that it feels so good, so perfect, so…mission accomplished.

My Lessons, Challenges and Dark Nights

When my first awakening experience started last February i thought that i had reached my goal, hit the spiritual mother-lode, and was home free.  Again due to some mis-beliefs pick up along the way i thought that awakening was a finish line and once passed the journey was over.

Wow, was i wrong about that!

Awakening doesn’t take us out of the time frame continuum of life.  It leaves us just where we were before only the silent nature of our true-self shines upon our old world bringing it into the timelessness of infinity.

What does that mean?  It means that awakening can come to anyone, it’s not earned or obtained by merit, and any lesson that we were learning along the way will circle around and become part of awakening’s tool to integrate our true self with every aspect of our life.

My reflections have shown me that between the periods of bliss (encouragement) is the opportunity to face the fear, judgement and dark nights with a new tool.  The tool of observation and clarity.

Everything that has happened to me has been meaningful to the awakening of my true nature to my conscious mind, when seen with clarity, non judgement or denial.

Un-doing not doing

When i started my spiritual journey over 40 years ago, i was a technique junkie.  i couldn’t have enough secret practices to “earn” my enlightenment.  My reasoning was simply this “the ends justified the means,” so let’s do everything we can; learn every technique, follow many masters and read all the books.  It sounds logical but did the bell just go off in you head?

i’ve learn now that the awareness that supports all of those techniques, not to mention EVERYTHING, is the goal and not the “doing.”  When that realization finally sunk in i understood that i had it all backwards.  All this time i was trying to “enlighten myself” when actually what i needed to do is discover how i was “un-enlightening myself” and STOP.

I have just one practice now.  i allow myself to observe how life comes to and through me.  i accept it as perfect.  i feel it completely, good or bad, neither encouraging it or denying it.  In that clarity i invite and welcome my true self to come forward into my conscious mind.

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