so close and yet so far away

i’ve always known that i was a dreamer, an inside person, introspectively prone to choosing to be on the quiet side.  Everyone knows this about me.   It has been may way since i can remember and when there is some stimulation from the outside.  i love to come out and play,  be boisterous and ridiculous.   i love the world, i’m generally interested in what goes on…. and yet i’ve always been susceptible to falling into the rabbit hole for exploring. 

Since my shift in February i’ve become even more withdrawn when not in public.   In public the world draws me out and i can choose to play or not but when i return home and relax, this new energy takes over and the only  way that i know how to deal with it, so far, is to meet it inside and work with it, try to understand its purpose and hopefully help it to its completion.  Avoidance is futile.

i just noticed today that lately i have been feeling at the affect of the energy, rather then acknowledging its higher purpose.  After two months, 24/7, anything can get a little old, yes even bliss, because we humans  have a knack of marginalizing everything.

From my POV it’s hard to keep track of how others are doing, especially Rita.  When we come home from a busy day and i return into myself, i haven’t been checking in enough to make sure that I touch in with her.  While she’s a big girl and can certainly handle it, she must have some expectations?  i have not been there as i would like.   It’s like we are so close and yet so far away from each other.

i know in a way that i can’t describe, that this will change.


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