For awhile now, my experiences have settled down to the point where they seem to be a mental backdrop. i have keep myself busy writing, as it keeps me focused and engaged. i guess that good, i really can’t tell because on a day to day basis i don’t seem to have a direction. i go from one task to another, from one moment to another, in stillness, without any thought of a general direction for myself that describes or defines a purpose for my actions . So is stillness – living in the moment? It is, but again, it’s not what i expected and it taking more time than I expected to getting use to it.
my days are usually filled with being the companion to the “energy.” Everyday like clockwork i’m noticing how the energy is with me, i varying degrees, it’s as if we are an old married couple going through the day together. The energy like a good wife, by my side devoted to, pushing through whatever is holding me back from my next spiritual milestone.
While this new wife seems to be gone on a shopping spree i’m left here to watch the moments go by one after another. Like i told Rita last night “i seemed to move from moment to moment with no plan, no idea what i’m doing except for what’s present before me in this very moment.
At times i feel as if i’ve lost my concept of time. Before my mind understood thoughts and actions that were conceptually linked in time; having a beginning and ending linked to memory. Now i act in the moment for the pleasure of the moment with no expectation (or memory) of it’s implication in time. This moment to moment action is unfamiliar yet peaceful, pleasurable and full.
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