The Silent Emergence of Self

As I close the car door i’m reminded that the best part of shopping these days is the anticipation of getting back to the car and removing the mouth-covering-ear-pinching reminder that covid-19 is continuing to creep ever more deeply into our lives. Thank goodness for music with its sounds that soothe the mind and rhythmically re-introduce us into our bodies shutting out the thoughts of the day if only for moments at a time. I turn on my favorite new Spotify playlist and lost my old self into the sounds and melodies. What happened next was totally unexpected.

Singing along with the songs with every musical note hitting my spiritual G-spot I began to appreciate how unique and beautiful Arum Rae’s voice is, how lyrical her song “Should I” is and how it has become an ear worm that I actually, in that moment, was very grateful for. But then the next track came on and I lost my self once again in its beauty. When the third track started I remained “one” with every note. Then suddenly, for no apparent reason at all, It dawns on me that lately I have been skipping over this song because it has become old… but not now… and with that realization I was startled to discover that I was actually in the throes of deep bliss for some time and didn’t even realize it. I was appreciating the bliss through the songs rather than its own experience as I was accustomed to.

In the past whenever bliss awakened within me it would overcome me like a tsunami, but this time it had slowly snuck up on me and my senses seemed to be enjoined with the bliss not delineating it separately. However when this realization dawned on me it seemed as if it brought on the tsunami post facto. After returning home and some hours later it was still present. I could sense how its intensity would diminish as I needed to address my life, Rita, and my duties at home but as soon as I would settle in and let go of it all… it returned full force.

Some time after dinner, as I was cleaning up and doing the dishes i had an experience that is quite difficult to put into words but I will try nevertheless.

One minute I’m standing in front of the sink, rinsing off a plate, and the next minute I’m no-where, watching a field of being, merging into my consciousness, lighting it up with a light and presence that I just know is the ultimate expression of life. In a split second I’m back to the dishes, but I’m not the same person as before. I have experienced a cognition; a seeing, no a “knowing” without words or visual images. It was an experience of how presence or consciousness, not only supports all thoughts and activity, but how it integrates with the mind. In this case I was witnessing the silent emergence of self, while being one with it.

Tears leaked from my eyes all night as I digested and integrated the unity that I was so honored to be one with.

I’m so grateful to Rita, as she just watched it all from the sidelines all the while remaining in silence, letting me be.

Thank you Universe, thank you Creator.


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