five months

A few days ago marked five months since i woke up feeling “changed” that morning of February 15th 2016.  The energy has calmed down leaving me with a deeper sense of serenity and peace.  i feel as if my attachment to this expereince is always being tested.  Each time the “oneness” disappears it’s absent for longer periods of time.  i’m not an astronaunt (spoiler alert) but it feels very much like being on a space-ship that loses contact with mother earth every time it enters the dark side of the moon; detached, alone and out-of-reach.  

Last Friday i was having lunch with my dear friend Steve who is also immersed in his own awakening process.  i wanted to see him again before we move to Colorado.  We have a long history of sharing our spiritual journey over the last 48 years, and i wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.

Somewhere in the middle of my tuna-fish sandwich he started describing his recent and beautiful witnessing-emptiness experience.  His description was so beautiful and heartfelt that i was overcome with a longing for the deepening of my own experiences.  We had a great time sharing, crying, and laughing.  As always, great times seem to fly by at the speed of light.  Driving home my heart felt filled with love for Steve and a longing for “more.

By the time i arrived home my “longing” had developed into a painful desire which in a split second hurled me into orbit to that “dark side of the moon.”

i’ve been noticing that it takes more time to circumvent back around to the oneness.  This time it wasn’t until Sunday afternoon that i resurfaced back into the fullness.  It was a long 48 hours for the fox (and his wife.)  i can only guess why this is happening; perhaps deeper mind-body integrations take more time to clear?

Nevertheless this is what i learned in the last 48 hours.

To keep reminding myself to stay in the moment and stay surrendered in gratitude for what i have.  Watch out for unresolved “beliefs” about what i think i need and when and how it should happen.  That there is nothing special about five months, five years or five decades; it’s just time.

And above all else remember that “I Am.”


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