Yesterday will go down as a “Gotcha” day. We were headed out for a picnic with some friends, as we only have 30 more days until we move to Boulder, so we are trying to see our tribe as much as possible. In the car, within a split second, i fell out of the oneness and everything started to annoy me to a point of anger. Rita was driving and i was feeling the annoyance mount as i said to myself “oh well i guess the honeymoon is finally over.”
i was aware of anger for awhile and then as it radiated through my body i decided to empty my mind. By the time we got to the ocean the anger was gone and the turmoil seemed to subside. Again, in a split second, my mind calmed and i recognized that the whole incident was now just another memory which my mind could make something out of…or not.
The choices is always there and is always mine to make.
In fact when i checked in “inside” i felt the awareness present and knew that this was another divinely directed clearing of my mind, body and emotions. It got me to thinking about the last few months and all the highs and lows since February. What i realized was astounding and yet so simple.
Here is the image in my mind, that i would like to give words to:
i’m walking down “Awakening Avenue” (why not?) the avenue of waking up. With every experience of bliss or fatigue i encounter i stop for a moment to feel it and move through it. It’s miraculous that as i continue down the road i begin to feel normal, not enlighened; like the self that i have always known. There are times, when the energy subsides, that i feel quite normal and not on the spiritual ride of my life.
But low and behold one day i turn around and look down my traveled path to find the broken pieces of my false self, shit loads of pain and sorrow that i have been carrying around with me for my entire life, and broken pillars of fear that have always kept me from knowing my true self….
i was speechless.
i ask myself how i could possibly feel like myself after dumping all of that? Puzzled as i was the next question came upon me like a tsunami…
How could i have thought that realization was anything BUT normal.
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