reversing into enlightenment

By the third day my headache surrendered and i would like to say that the rest of the trip went smoothly but as i am learning with every day, anything can happen.  Saturday afternoon we went to a graduation party for my dear friend Nick not knowing that on my ride home i would be reversing into enlightenment.  

It was a wonderful party filled with warm blooded Russian hospitality as Nick’s mom was Russian-born.  It was everything that i expected minus the endless and senseless rounds of vodka shots (thank God for that.)  It was a re-union for me as some of my dearest friends were there and just being in their presence, watching them frolic with each other and their children filled my heart with supreme joy and oneness.  Needless to say my open heart released the floodgates of bliss into my being.

Before arriving Rita and i had already agreed, since i really don’t drink much alcohol that i would be the designated driver, releasing her to party like it’s 1999 (i thinking i’m dating myself here…oh well).

Sometime after 8PM Rita announced we should leave before it got too dark as we had Flagstaff Road, a curvy mountain road with many switchbacks, to traverse to get home.  We had my son-in-law’s Toyota 4 Runner and as i backed out of the driveway i bumped into a park car.

Immediately after we felt the bump and heard the crunch my mind and body went into shock.  What i noticed most was that my mind and breath raced as if something was terribly wrong; my reaction didn’t warrant the circumstances.  i felt as if my oneness had shattered abandoning me back into separateness.

When we arrived home i started an inquiry process that would continue through to the next day.  i discovered a belief that i created in my early childhood that said i was a “bad boy” for just being myself.  my advisor stepped in and said “continue… there is more.”  Going back in i uncovered that not only was my actions being judged but i was also responsible for everything that happened around me.  i felt a snap and click in my head as the last piece of an un-finished, life long, jigsaw puzzle fell into place.

In that moment i was whole again.  In a nano-second my channels were open again and i realized that everything was perfect.  The belief dispelled for now, to whatever extent, was an integration of awakening into enlightenment.  i also realized that soon Bryan’s 4 Runner would be made whole and i relaxed into a deep abiding peace.

With every release and integration of a belief that keep me from knowing my True Self, i realize afterwards, that what follows is a download of information.  i can’t hear it or know it,  i just feel it as if it’s a zip file in my mind that needs to be “unpacked.”  i sense that it’s unpacking is enlightenment.

More on this… next post

With gratitude

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