spiritual adolescence

As i write this i’m enjoying my first Boulder thunder storm.  The lightning and thunder are majestic and the downpour feels like a feeding from the gods, nourishing the earth, creatures, and my dry acrid Los Angeles nostrils.  The smell of rain is waking up my childhood memories of lightning; when i would count the seconds before the thunder cracks open the silence with a rumbling earth shaking whack.  i too have cracked open from the thunder of “reality” diminishing my spiritual maturity to a simple state of spiritual adolescence.  

i should explain what i mean by adolescence because i use the word not to describe the level of “experience of self” that i have known but to measure it’s depth and the time needed to completely integrate it into my body, life, relationships and world.

my last post “like learning to walk” had wetted my appetite for an inquiry into a new way of seeing myself on this incredible journey to waking up to the reality of my true nature.  While i have written a great deal about being guided by an intelligence and flow of energy that is beyond my control i hadn’t really considered that my human development could ever again rival the innocence of my youth; especially now that i am approaching those higher double digits.  i couldn’t have been more wrong.

Why would our spiritual journey not mimic, or at least duplicate the idea that we not only grow in stages but that we don’t need to know how or why it works.  Just like a young baby learning to walk, or a teenager striking out for his or her own identity; each doesn’t know what’s next but just keeps going driven by desires, hormones, fear or love.

Some of us may want to skip over certain stages in becoming a human being, and while it might be reasonable if a teenager is having a hard time but it’s absolutely absurd because one cannot enter adulthood without first being a teenager.

At one time i wanted to skip this “spiritual adolescence” stage but now i see that it cannot be avoided.

While my mind tells me, truthfully, that my body is past maturity my awakening spirit is showing me that in terms of enlightenment i’ve got a way to go.  What a dichotomy!  How shall i identify myself now? i’m a matured body experiencing spiritual adolescence?

This revelation has created some new challenges for me.  If i’m truly a spiritual adolescent then what force, if not biological, will we drive me on like a hormonal teenager to the completion of my deepest and dearest desire?

Quite honestly, i can’t say for sure right now.  What i do know is that even when my body tires, or needs nourishment there is a energy that i am aware of, through feeling or knowing, that is my truth and it inspires me to keep going.

When this energy or true self makes itself known to me i welcome it, surrender to it and invite it to take me.  i call this a earnest relationship with spirit, a love affair with the divine.  A request to be in union with all that is.

So far, i can tell you, that whenever i assume this position of surrender and invitation for union-reunion i am filled with a divine energy that equals the hormones of a thousand out-of-control teenagers.

con gratitudine e dedizione a Dio

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