Looking out from the window of my friends apartment on the 40th floor, high above the frenzy of downtown Boston, i get this overwhelming sense that i not only can see everything moving into the horizon but i intuit from the prospective of my new paradigm, how my old identity is racing off, out of sight; leaving me with an unshakable certainty that understanding my true self will always be one step ahead of my experiences and comprehension.
Spiritually speaking, for the last 45 years, my certainty has always been centered around my experiences. I have finally realized, much to my surprise, that my journey was based on experiences rather then certainty of knowing myself. The oneness of my True Self is something beyond the coming and goings of bliss, witnessing, and physical sensations.
Stubborn as i am, i always fought hard to measure and assure myself that all is well by analyzing my experiences. The “energy” has been my favorite reminder that all is going well, but now i am very close to finally letting go of even that security. It has not been easy and has been the result of trusting my mentor and teacher, Adyashanti.
While i could “camp out” within my experiences i would only be settling for second best, as i know now without a doubt, that my goal is to directly know my true self; awareness being aware of itself.
While this is easier said then done, i have discovered a way to encourage this transfer of attention . When for example, i have a physical sensation such as bliss, energy, or kundalini, i treat it like any other thought or belief. i don’t relish, gloat or even feel secure that it means anything.
Instead i redirect my attention from my body to a sense of knowing that lives deep within my conscious awareness. Already i have detected a confidence and silence deep within that is stable and permanent.
While i may waiver from time to time, i do come back quickly and more confident than ever.
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