Over a year ago, after i completed my last class i decided to take a break from speaking and sharing as i felt that my newborn awakening, at the time, prevented me by default from leading others. my enthusiam for sharing was crushed by the weight of what i didn’t know; i tried for as long as my excitement could hold me but as the depth of my new reality was fathomed i needed to back away and reassess. my blog was my rudder as i meandered through my early experiences in awakening until just recently when feeling completely re-assembled, like a butterfly, I was ready to come out of my cocoon… back on purpose.
For most of my life i never knew what really happens to a caterpillar once encased in its own cocoon. It is a fitting description of what it was like during those first 12 months after my second awakening experience in Los Angeles. my identify completely dissolved, like the caterpillar, into a undifferentiated ooze of my essence, only to reform into a new iteration of a human being. i emerged out of the cocoon looking like ed but the old ed was no longer there.
i went straight to my website and began to create, i was encouraged and inspired by the deeper levels of compassion that were running through my emotions and nervous system. I was responding to my surroundings differently as if every interaction with others and circumstances were alive in a way i had never known. i desired, once again, to be of service to everyone, anywhere and finally i lost my aversion to seeing myself in the new videos that i am producing for the mindbody awakening website.
As i write these words i recognize how in the past i created with a desire that was ever so tainted or poisoned with doubt and fear and as i search into my being right now i notice the difference; where once there was doubt and fear now there is a sense of unknown, wonder, and potentiality. Much better…yes
While i still have to learn how to reach out (market) myself i have a deep knowing and trust that everything will go perfectly. I am open to all help and wisdom.
i would like to take this opportunity to speak to you, my reader, and thank you all for all your support, feedback, and love. Whenever i post to this blog i realize in the back of my mind, as i give form to my experiences, that you are there and it brings me joy to know that you are with me, in some small way, on my journey home.
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