This particular day the energy in my head was very strong and constant. While I knew from experience that this fatigue is just a mask, I had to remind myself to surrender. Sometimes it just seems to be too much.
So, like many other days, I took a break and lied down in the fetal position (most comfortable) and put my awareness on my entire body.
The energy started to mellow and then the bliss popped up. It was a relief to say the least. Up until now I have been cautious of my thoughts, which denied me certain a level of earnestness, because I thought if I doubted or disliked an experience maybe I would lose the grace and it would all come to an abrupt end.
That night while watching TV the energy pounced again and I said to Rita “I can’t get a break from the energy today!” I was shocked that I would take that tone. I wondered if I should have said that. Of course Rita’s response was “that’s what you asked for?”
I heard my heart yell “take your best shot.” I waited and nothing happened, the energy continued having its way with me and I surrendered into the unknown.
In time I realized that all my concerns were foolish but necessary for me to open to an even deeper level of honesty and integrity. In Adyashanti’s book “Emptiness Dancing” Adya explains that every stone of doubt and fear must be turned over, looked at with love and light before the true self can step back and reveal itself.
Yes! I can get there from here.
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