forgetting to suffer

In my March 21st post I had described my perception of not being identified with the office chaos that was swirling around me.  In similar situations, in the past, I would make the conscious effort to remind myself of what I knew cognitively and yet feel the effects of the chaos in varying degrees.  Simply said, I knew what was true but I wasn’t living it spontaneously. 

After my initial shift, upon entering any chaos, I never think that’s not me, I just know it, without words or explanations.  Maybe later if I go over what happened, something that the mind likes to do, I might make that deduction, possibly.

When I perceptually experienced “who I am” all cognitive identifications of who I thought myself to be, fell away.  The objects of perceptions remained as a fact, story, or belief but separate from who I “directly perceive” myself to be.  Pure Awareness, Existence, or God; replace your own definition, but you get the idea.

This didn’t come to me all at once. One evening Rita and I were remarking how I had changed in how I relate to her.  I told her I feel like I’m the same person having different experience of my world and myself.  We laugh because for the first time we understood each other in a whole new way.  It’s like having a new relationship with the same person.

Then my mind asked a question, “What’s the difference now?”

I was surprised, but there it was, right in front of me.  I had forgotten to care about my opinions of her.  I had forgotten to identify with all the “must do’s” that I expected of her.  All of the criticisms that I had, ever so big or small, that I wanted changed or gone, they were no longer important or necessary to support the old false identification of myself.

When awareness wakes up to AWARENESS you remember that you and your world are one.   You discover that your false beliefs and identification fall away on their own, with no effort on your part.  This falling away is so natural that you don’t notice it at all until you realize, after the fact, that they are gone.

You then love everything and everyone just the way they are.


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