The warm air kissed my face as i left the coffee shop feeling as if i was light as a feather after my meeting with Brad, my new friend and writing coach. He had just cracked open my brain with the most brilliant ideas, suggestions, and direction for writing my awakening memoir. i felt the hot seat warm my bottom as I started the car – the radio blasting Stevie Nicks into my ears – i was hoping to get home before the traffic kicked in but I didn’t get very far.
Most mornings i awake to a burning feeling either on my hands, chest or legs, the result of my ongoing hives which was just recently diagnosed as an effect of chronic Epstein Barr virus and a nasty parasite with a long tongue- twisting-name. It wore off quickly as I got ready to meet with a potential meditation student and talk about my meditation training.
Whenever i talk about meditation and awakening my heart begins to vibrate creating waves of energy that massage my entire body. I need to pay attention whenever that happens as I’m very likely to just close my eyes and drift away into an ocean of silence that could withstand the din of a Lady Gaga concert.
I’m thrilled that the bliss is following me home. Maybe it will keep me company while i get to some very needed accounting work before meeting Brad in a few hours – or so I thought. I’ve come to learn to be in the moment not through any intellectual exercise but as the result of the enduring alternating experiences in my day.
As I sit in front of my computer watching quickbooks go through it’s startup, I feel something else starting up in my body. The bliss has abandoned me and my head begins to heat up and itch beyond control. “Oh no,” “here we go again” as i loose it and scratch away. In minutes the decision to take immediate action is a no-brainer.
i slip my welted and trembling body into the hot bath and feel the immediate intensity of the heat. i completely submerge my welted red face under the water line and now i can hear my heart pumping; furiously at first and then in a few minutes it slows down as the histamines under my skin release themselves into the hot water. The only thought that i can hang onto is a prayer that i get a face-over so I can go meet Brad; he has read my first chapter and I’m so excited to hear his response.
As soon as i turned out of the parking lot i felt as if i was going to disappear. i could see the road, the cars as I stopped at the light but they were no longer “real.” i didn’t even know who i was, the Ed that usually see’s through these eyes was not there. i needed to get off the road ASAP.
Just before i put the stick into park and closed my eyes i heard my self say “Oh there you are” and then I was gone.
Blessing and Love,
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