Since my “backing up” incident in Boulder earlier this month i seem to be more sensitive as to how i participate in this awakening process. Where at first i thought i needed to do more inquiry and meditation, i have realized that it better serves me to return to some earlier learned practices. i feel as if i am coming around full circle. The only difference is that i’m not coming back to the same person, at least not completely!
When i worked on my beliefs, years ago with Miguel, i believed that it would make me a happier person. That it would free my mind from beliefs. My mind and ego were working together to make ed fox a better person with a more cooperative ego. At least that was my interpretation; it was my best conclusion from my level of consciousness at that time.
Since my first opening experiences i have come to realize that my mind and ego are not the True Self; my true identity. So whether i free myself from beliefs or not i am still working on my mind, not my true identity.
i took this as a sign that i could bypass the belief work and go straight for the revelation of my true identity. This approach only seems logical when one has the impression that “waking up” mean total enlightenment in that instant.
My dis-illusionment evaporated quickly when the boulder car wreck left me with still unfinished beliefs that kept me separated from my true self. To my surprise i found that my first opening experiences left me with what i can best describe as “space” between me and the belief.
This space allows me to see more clearly, bravely take on concepts and emotions that would before make me cringe and retract. i find that the beliefs are releasing rather quickly; thank God for that because there seems to be so many of them.
i am sensing that there are two developments occurring simultaneously that enhance each other. First, my True Self seems to be growing in my awareness with every belief that i let go of. Secondly with every increase of awareness of my True Nature the beliefs seem to melt like a hot knife through butter.
As i become more cognizant of how Cosmic Intelligence created such a divine plan for our awakening, i am taken over by a tsunami of gratitude that knocks me to my knees.
grazie mille padre
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